accomplished twins. life is a go
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
