Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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