I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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