is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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