Will you blow on my dice?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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