Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
