The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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