I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
