dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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