i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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