***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
