instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
