First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
