Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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