a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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