guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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