sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
