Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
