I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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