In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
