When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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