he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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