whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Never joke about your clitoris.
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