The best revenge is premature balding
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize