I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
