If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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