mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
