I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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