that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
