I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
