So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
