Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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