and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
