I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
