OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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