hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize