Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
