My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
