Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
