I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
