I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
