I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
