i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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