i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
And then he peed in my hair
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