can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
