Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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