2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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