I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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