I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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