On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Duck Duck Cougar?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
