ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
