If that was your dad, he is hot
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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