he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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