11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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