he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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