I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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