No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
