Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize