Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
