I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
