I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
