You're my little dorito
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
