I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
