if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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