Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
