Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
