I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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