Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
and you fell through a lawn chair
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize