hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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