I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
