Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
