hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
