I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
