I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
