I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
