i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
