is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
the raccoons are back...
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