Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
