I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
