I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sobbing to NWA
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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