life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
