My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
