Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He kissed a someone with a penis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
50% drunk capacity currently
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
