i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
