I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
