How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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