Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
