Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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