Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
