i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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