i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
