dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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