Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
