Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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