Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
