I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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