Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
