I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
