Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize