Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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