I've blown a few things in my day
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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