hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
