wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
