I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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