Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
