The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
