he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
