Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
